Back in the day, pre-cellphone and internet days, we had an old writing desk in the front hall of our home. On the desk held the rotary phone and a pewter mug with pens and pencils; in the desk held the latest county White Pages and Yellow Pages books, little contact booklets from the school department that my dad worked for, and notepads to take messages on. In the early morning hours of a snowy day, my brothers, sisters, and I would lay in bed listening for the phone to ring; a call from the school superintendent, telling my dad that school would be canceled. From there we would hear the lid of the desk lift and the slow spin of the dial of the phone as he called his staff to let them know that school was canceled for the day.
The desk in the front foyer was the information center of our busy family. The most important item in the desk was the back page of an old phonebook, titled Emergency and Frequently Called Numbers. This card held the phone numbers of Police and Fire, and family members. It was to stay with the desk at all times, only pulled out when needed. Names and numbers got added through the years as the family grew, but no one, even after death, was crossed out. To this day, I still can hear the creak of the hinge of the desk's lid as it opened and the musty smell of its wood.
The Emergency and Frequently Call Numbers sheet is long gone, along with the house after my dad died. My siblings and I moved away, and the world "progressed" to devices that now hold all of our contact information. There is no longer the need to memorize a phone number or an email; it's all at our fingertips. In addition to our phones, people now rely heavily on social media platforms such as Instagram, Facebook and others to provide updates on our lives. This got me thinking... in an emergency, would my own family know who I want notified in an emergency and how?
As part of my End-of-Life Doula services, I assist the dying and their loved ones, helping them to prepare and provide support for the impending death. Some of my duties are quite practical and are meant to create the stage for optimal ease and comfort. One such task is creating a list of, what I refer to as the First-line Contacts with phone numbers that the dying and their family have agreed would be called with updates. It is also a good idea to share access account information in the event one wishes to include posting messages on their social media accounts.
I recently, within the last week, pulled out a mini composition notebook that I had found tucked away in a desk, coincidently by our front door, and began to write a list of first-line contacts and their phone numbers that I would want to be notified in the event of an emergency. This list includes some family members and four close friends. I then went to my husband and asked him to provide me with a list of family and friends who he would like to add to the list. Next, I went to each of my children and asked them for their contacts. What surprised me in doing this task with myself and my family, was that these were not long exhaustive lists. These are key people in our lives who we consider to be the most valued to have this information shared with them first. I also asked how they would like their social media accounts handled. Of course, this made for uncomfortable, prickly conversations, with looks of disbelief that I could be bringing up such subject matter and thereby expecting them to ponder who would make their list, but if one doesn't ask, then one doesn't know.
Whether your First-line Contacts are created pen to paper and kept in a desk for safe keeping or digitally, it is a valuable resource if and when the time comes to make that call. Perhaps as you gather with your family, this holiday season, you will consider opening a conversation around preparing for such an event. You may be surprised by the thoughtful insights, hidden memories, and feelings of relief once you have shined a light on what is considered too unbearable to consider; our own mortality.
Commentaires